How I Teach My Daughters About What it Means to Be Beautiful

Thank you to my kind friend Justin Keys for these stunning photos. You view more of his work at www.JustinKeysPhotography.com

As women, there is much truth to the fact that we are often judged by our physical appearance, I teach my daughters about beauty by working every day to counteracting the messages of the world and my own insecurities. I have learned that both my own views and the views of the world will blind us of what is true. It’s so important to remind myself that God made me in His image and that I am “wonderfully made,” and so are my daughters and so ARE YOU!

I wasted almost 2 decades of my life insecure with my physical appearance. During that time I was always so amazed by the large variances in self-confidence of women of varying conventional beauties. On one hand, there are drop-dead gorgeous women who are super insecure… and then on the opposite extreme, there are women who might be defined as moderately beautiful but have the confidence of a god!

Affirmations

I spent many of my adult years saying affirmations in the mirror to counteract my own insecurities. My affirmation mantra was… I am worthy, I deserve good things to happen to me, and I AM BEAUTIFUL. The last one was the hardest one for me to say. But I told myself those three things every day in the mirror until suddenly I believed them. It took almost a year after I started. I began saying these affirmations in college, and still have to revisit them every now and then.

Being Intentional

I am very intentional about sharing with my daughters what it means to be beautiful. I know there is a fine line between confidence and vanity, and I want my daughters to be 100% confident in the beauty that God blessed them with. This does not mean I don’t value their brilliance, and strength. I 100% think both are as important qualities. But for this blog post I am going to stick to the topic of beauty. Partly because I think these photos are so gorgeous that were taken by my good friend Justin. And I pray that my daughters see the same stunning beauty that I see.

The Little Voice

For me this reflection came when I saw the initial proofs of the photos I am sprinkling all over this post.

As I reviewed the first round of photos I could hear myself picking apart several attributes of myself. I heard myself being very critical of many of my features. This small voice made me wonder.. What voices do my daughters hear when they look at themselves.

Here are three things I hope to teach my daughters about beauty.

1 – Beauty comes from the inside

Cliche yes.. But when I say beauty comes from the inside this is what I mean. If you think you are beautiful then you are! If you think you are not! Well!? Truly beautiful women often give of an energy. They are captivating, they draw you in. But that beauty comes from a quiet confidence that says, I don’t need the world to validate me. I am who I am! Unapologetically.

It’s why I love the poem by Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Women.” It’s like she is unapologetic about being the Phenomenal Women she is. And I model that sort of beauty for my girls, even when I fluctuate in weight, or when my chin is covered in hair or acne. I want to look in the mirror and say… “Phenomenal woman… That’s me!” This is especially true when my daughters are watching.

2 – Beauty without humility is wasted

No matter how confident you are. Humility is a powerful quality. This is something that I am finding hard to teach. Especially to my middle daughter. She lacks nothing in confidence! She often will ask strangers.. “Don’t you like my hair?” Or she will put on a dress and say, “Everyone is going to say I am so pretty in this dress!” I try so hard to remind her, that yes people may love your dress, but if no one says you have a pretty dress on, won’t you still feel awesome!

LShe is the one that I worry the most about putting too much value on her beauty. To me it’s a fine line between confidence and vanity. Lastly, I want to teach her that her beauty and self-worth are not defined by the world.

3 – Makeup isn’t about how the world sees you

I love to wear makeup! And my girls often watch me apply my makeup. Mostly because if you are mom you know you don’t even poop without company so you know I have an audience when I paint my face. I am intentional when there is a natural silence to share with my girls lessons that teach them about beauty. It’s important to me to share why I use light strokes, and why I try not to apply my makeup with a heavy hand. I share with them that makeup isn’t about hiding myself, it’s about amplifying myself.

My goal is never for anyone to say “your makeup looks so pretty.” But instead, for my face to showcase how confident I feel inside. I try to share with them when it’s appropriate to play with deep colors like red lips or teal shadow. And when it’s appropriate for colors to be more muted. For me, I like to be much more muted when I go to church for example. I want to look nice out of reverence for the Lord, but not overdone so to draw attention to myself while I worship Him.

The big lesson is that make up isn’t about disguising yourself, but about minimizing things that could distract yourself. I don’t feel confident when I am worrying about the acne scars on my cheeks so I cover them up.

My goals around teaching about beauty are often complicated by the superficial reality of the world we live in. I try to communicate there is nothing wrong with being beautiful. But at the end of the day, as women, we have to be many many things… strong, humble, confident, intelligent, self affirming and … well…. It’s okay to add beautiful to that list.

xo

Chantea

Please also check out my latest blog post. How we knew we were done having kids!