Adoption – 3 Myths Dispelled

3 Myths About Adoption… Dispelled

I am excited to share with you three myths about adoption that kept us from pursuing this option for building our family even sooner. These three things are also the most common questions we get asked when people learn that we chose to adopt. Can’t wait to share with you!

Adoption Myth #1 – Adoption is Expensive

I should start by saying that five years ago we successfully adopted a little boy. But getting started was challenging. I didn’t know where to start, and I had misinformation about the costs involved. I thought adopting a child would cost us tens of thousands of dollars. And although it can be expensive, it doesn’t have to be. I am so glad I was misinformed about all the options.

Did you know there are several types of adoption? You can do private adoptions, international adoptions, and foster adoption to name a few. I will talk most deeply about the two general different forms — private and foster.

Adoption Myth #2 – Private Adoption is costly

Private adoptions are the adoption that we most often think about. It is the one that costs money and generally is where people adopt “babies” from. You can adopt older children in a private adoption, but most commonly you will see infants adopted via private adoption.

Foster Adoption (very little costs)

Another option is called Fost/Adopt, which means you can adopt a child from foster care.

A child in foster care is usually a child whose biological parents still have custody of the child. But unfortunately biological parents often lose parental rights and that makes the child eligible for adoption. When you know that you are looking to adopt a child, tell your social worker you want a low-risk adoption, and your social worker will pair you with a child whose parents have lost their parental rights which expedites the adoption process.

Pros & Cons

Both private and fost/adopt have their pros and cons. We decided to fost/adopt because instead of paying to adopt our son, the state gave us a small monthly stipend to help us with our son. We were surprised to learn that the small stipend didn’t go away after he was officially part of our family and no longer in foster care. I wish I would have known that we could adopt a little boy with almost nothing out of pocket; we probably would have started the process sooner.

Adoption Myth #2 – Lack of Diversity

There is a misconception that you have to adopt abroad to adopt a baby with diversity. In fact, you can adopt a baby from any ethnicity right here in America. And there are several programs created to encourage and support ethnic families through the adoption process. The adoption company we went through was not targeted specifically toward African American families. In fact, we were the only black family getting certified at that time. But regardless of your race, there is a child who will fit your family perfectly who is eagerly waiting for a permanent home.

Adoption Myth #3 – Will I Feel the Love?

You guys know I keep it 100! So let me stay true to that here! I have four children, and for one child, it was love at first sight. And the rest… I eventually fell in love with. For me, falling in love with each child did become easier the more children I had.

And… you are going to think I am terrible for saying this but for me, my first emotion for each child was a determination to see the child thrive. I think love came as I developed a relationship with the child. I know every mother is different here, but I say this to help communicate that adoption is NO different than having a biological child in the sense of “love.”

Some of us will fall in love with the child right away. Some of us will develop a love for the child over time. I have never heard a biological mother be openly fearful of not loving their child. I would argue that the love between an adoptive mother and child is no different!

Is Adoption Right For You?

I don’t want to sugar coat the adoption process; there are definitely ups and downs. Our son is our second child and we used to blame many of his personality challenges on him being adopted. Then shortly after we had our third, she reminded us that his personality quirks have very little to do with his adoption and more to do with who he just is. (My third child is super challenging and I can only blame my own genes for that one LOL). I hope if you are on the fence about adopting a child, that you make the jump. Our country needs brave individuals to love on OUR children.

xo- Chantea

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